Zombie Attack

So I wasted a good half hour today on a Facebook application deciding what 5 items I would want in case of Zombie attack. If you know me well you are either surprised a. that it took me that long, didnt I already know what i'd bring? or b. that it didnt take longer while i researched the matter farther. I take zombies very seriously and am trying not to think about how NOT zombie proof our new house is going to be. Big windows....difficult to collapse stairs...the middle of town..

After a lot of thought I decided I needed A MACHETE. The best weapon for fighting the undead. You see, guns will run out of ammo, also I have no sense of aim so I'd need a machine gun type of gun which I hear get hott and hard to handle. And yes a machete will get dull but as time goes and the zombies rot they will also be easier and easier to chop up. Plus I already own a machete and I look WAY hott with it strapped to my thigh.

I also would want A HOUSE BOAT. It goes without saying this would be a really nice boat. Zombies dont cross water so as long as I got myself to the middle of a big lake I'd be safe to anchor and wait the infection out.

Next I need an INDOOR GARDENING KIT so I could plant a garden on my houseboat. I could basically live off squash and potatoes all winter and in the other seasons have plenty of healthy food.

And a WATER FILTRATION SYSTEM for obvious reasons.

Then I need a TRANSISTOR RADIO, which would work even after internet and phone lines went down.

If Josh was with me, with another 5 items we'd bring a TREBUCHET and some NAPALM, (two items but worth it in case shit really hits the fan. I'll light half the shore on fire if I have to!!) A SPOTLIGHT (ALWAYS useful), a crowbar (classic zombie item) and A SNIPER RIFLE for Josh.

We would both be wearing leather trenchcoats of course. Anyone nerdy enough to tell me what they'd bring?


Kait T said...

a wooden stake
some underwear
matches... oh I'm thinking of vampires. lol

Kim said...

Kait, haven't you seen Twilight?! Vampires aren't scared of those things!

Umm Courtney you forgot your dog companion! Haven't you seen I Am Legend?! That was Will Smith's best buddy, not to mention it saved his life and I cried real tears when it died. Also is there room on your houseboat for us? You know since we clearly aren't prepared for this! And we are only a few minutes from your new center of town house. Don't you think you'll need a friend to keep you from killing your husband and child?!

Kim said...

And that means we get to bring another 15 things with us, via my family and me? Not that I'm trying to bribe you or anything...

coco-ono said...

Babies do mean another 5 items don't they? But then Zeke would just bring 1. his blanket, 2. his binkie, 3. his tippie cup, 4. disposable wipes and diapers and 5. a sling now wouldn't he?

Jen said...

haha. I like Zeke's list. My only professional criticism to your list is the house boat. Zombies can walk under water. So if you anchor up, they can walk to where you are then climb up the rope. Most probably won't be smart enough to get onboard, but the weight of all the zombies hanging on the rope could be a problem. Plus, you have to consider the dozens of people who are thinking the same thing you are and end up sinking then need help. They WILL have enough brains to climb into your boat and slyly kill you all in your sleep.
Otherwise, my list is about the same as yours. Not sure where the hideout would be. Paul from the Nordstroms E-Bar assures me that Nordstroms would be a great place to hold up. I also think that the tall cylindrical apartment building downtown overlooking the river would be a great spot too. It already has a nice gated entrance that just needs a little reinforcement.
Just a thought.

Alexia said...

Okay, I must be misinformed...I thought the only way to kill a zombie was by breaking their neck?

Jennspiration said...

Darn it! I was hoping to see a video of Zekers walking when I saw this post!

Bill said...

5 items? Honestly all you REALLY need is a bigger gun (with ammo) than anyone else has. That way all you need to know is who ELSE is REALLY prepared, and then with your big gun you can take all their stuff.
Although I suppose that isn’t very Christian thinking.
My 5 times?
1) AM General’s Military HMMWV (High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle) also known as a Humvee. Note: this is NOT the same thing as a Hummer that you see on the road. The Hummer is NOT armored, and you may come across someone with a big gun that wants YOUR Humvee.
While your houseboat was an excellent idea…how are you going to GET to the house boat?? (Do I need to remind you of the 6P Principal?)
2) I know previously I stated a “bigger gun”, but in reality a good 8 gauge shotgun should do the trick. Not a lot of aiming needed.
3) Short Wave Radio. You will want to be able to transmit as well as receive.
4) USMC K-Bar. A good knife is ALWAYS a good thing to have. There are a LOT of good survival knives out there, however I would have to trust the Marine Corps on this one. I know you mentioned that a good machete would lop off the head of any zombie that got too close, but then the 8 gauge would pretty much vaporize any zombie head. And you don’t have to get as close.
5) A bible. Let’s face it: it’s a good book to have if you are fighting off zombies.

Anonymous said...

well unfortunately I am totally gonna have to agree with Jen. I was thinking the same thing about the water and zombies walking under water....could be a major problem. I think with everyones colaboration we would surive a zombie pandemic no problem. In all reality we've put far too much thought into the notion. The zombies dont stand a chance.

Anonymous said...

Ooh yay, I found your blog!

Just had to say hi. :-)

(This is Rachel from Mindful Mamas/Prental Yoga/School with Josh)

Anonymous said...

ummm, you actually really own a machete?

Sheena said...

Just a suggestion: lose the houseboat. Find either an aircraft carrier or a cruise ship. Take them out in the ocean. They will hold you and all your friends plus you can go out a long ways from shore without having to anchor. Also, with the aircraft carrier, I think it would be most convienent to have the jets to fly about and see if the world has been overrun yet, or if they have all been killed off. Ohh, new idea: space shuttle. yup.

Maja said...

I was going to leave something very witty...but...ummm....I guess you have me at a loss for solutions for zombies...

Dirty Mouth Mama said...

I have absolutely NO idea what I'd bring for a Zombie attack. And now that you've brought it up , I am a little concerned that I am unprepared.

Dirty Mouth Mama said...

I have absolutely NO idea what I'd bring for a Zombie attack. And now that you've brought it up , I am a little concerned that I am unprepared.