I have realized that I have two night-time settings.
They are as follows:
Zeke wakes me up and I wander into his room to nurse him. He stops crying and smiles up at me as I arrive in the room and I think "oh how sweet he looks in the moonlight, how precious are these months". I nurse him and we look lovingly at each other. I softly stroke his hair and his chubby little cheek. I am so gentle with him, he seems so fragile.
He drifts off to sleep and I lay him in his crib gently. I know I should go back to bed but he is so quiet and warm and I love listening to his gentle snoring. I sneak another little stroke of his hair. He doesnt move. Then I grow bolder and kiss his forehead, and his little cheek, he still isn't moving. I consider just taking him into bed with me so we can cuddle all night. He is only little once, I reason to myself.
Then he snorts and moves. I freeze, Im not even breathing. Panic begins. Why am I still in here?!? He's going to see me! I run out of the room as fast as I can.
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, ruins the mood faster then the little bugger waking up.
Or setting number 2.
I hear Zeke waking up. Not again, I think. Not yet. I stumble across the hall into his room and he smiles up at me as soon as I see him. Wide awake, I groan to myself and I growl to him "its not time to get up, go back to sleep." I snatch him out of his crib and stuff some boob in his mouth in hopes that he will fall back asleep.
It works and as soon as I hear his obnoxious snoring I almost drop him in his crib. Oh when will it end, I think, when will he sleep thru the night? I am so tired.
I consider crying it out. He is already 7 months I reason with myself. I've already stumbled back to bed, without even a glance behind to check to see if his blanket is wrapped around his head.
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can fix the mood faster than waking up in the morning.