Drowning

I was asked today if I ever feel like motherhood is drowning me. In fact quite a few of us were asked and there was a truly awkward silence afterwards in which we all wanted to scream "yes" yet didn't want to admit it. We coughed, or looked at our baby, or asked her what she meant, but we knew. We all know, us mothers of small children. And it slowly came out.

For my part all I could think was "of course". Of course I sometimes feel that way. We all do. Because the truth is that raising children (and especially babies) is a miracle and a blessing and a joy but it's also often exhausting and tedious and suffocating and thankless and boring and smelly. And maybe we would all be a bit happier if we admitted it.

At the least we'd be better prepared. Because it seems like pre-child I heard a lot about the baby entering my world not me entering his, or not forgetting who I am and keeping up my interests, and similar hokey. And it is hokey. Because when that baby comes it may still be your world, honey, but all the rules just changed. And not forgetting your interests is fine and dandy but at the end of the day you don't have the energy to shower let alone read. I'm no April Wheeler or anything but of course I sometimes feel like I'm drowning. (PS is anyone else afraid to see that movie because the book was so good?)

5 comments:

Jennspiration said...

I understand, unfortunately I had to go back to work to have some "me-time". I would recommend a date night or a girls night out! I wish you were here, I would take you out!

Anne said...

Dear Courtney,
I don’t have your email address or cell phone. Grandma Jane is in the hospital with double pneumonia. I tried calling your Dad twice. Do you know if your Dad got the message as nobody has heard from him? Could you give me your Mom’s cell? If you call Grandpa’s home phone, he has it forwarded to his cell when he is at the hospital. BTW, I love your blog. Auntie Anne

Star Forbis said...

Thank you so much for visiting my Blog and Laughing with me. Come back any time.

Anonymous said...

Courtney, I admire mothers. Though I cannot relate in full, I have a great deal of respect for the 'stay at home mother' and for you for the little sacrafices you make daily for the benefit of Zeke. I have free time nearly every day before 3 and after 7 please feel free to call if you want some time to yourself. Zeke can come here and play with the twins or I can go there of course. But don't hesitate or feel bad about needing an hour or 3 to yourself once in a while.

/adria

Maki said...

Motherhood is no picnic, tht's for sure! I hope you will find a way to relieve some stress - go out with your girlfriends, dinner/movie date.. Even just for a cup of coffee would help you:) But best of all, you admitting that you're drowning is a good thing - some hate admit it and that would become a real problem...

Thank you so much for supporting my big day - and I hope to stay in touch!! Good luck with your baby - you're doing an awesome job!!!