Time moves really slowly when you know that you could go into labor any second now, but you also know you could not go into labor for another month. At 38 weeks, that is about where I am. Its not exactly a dual knowledge though, or even a minute by minute change. I have a real scheduled transition going on at this point. I wake up every morning with the thought "Today is the day, today I am having this baby!" I clean the whole house so that it's ready, I spend lots of time with Zeke so that his little reservoir of attention is full for the next few difficult weeks, I eat a healthy and hearty breakfast and lunch and then I take a nap with Zeke so that I'm well rested up for the marathon that is labor.
By the time I wake up I'm starting to get cranky. I listen to my Hypnobabies "This is your Birthday Day" CD. I do my yoga. I bounce on my birthing ball, I walk, I do as many squats as I can humanly manage. By the time Josh gets home from work I can be found laying on the couch, under a pile of blankets, and perhaps eating ice cream. Defeated. Today I will not be having a baby.
I don't know why exactly I'm so anxious and impatient. As Josh keeps so helpfully reminding me, I have another 2 weeks to my due date. My own guess for baby's arrival wasn't until Jan 15th. And I wasn't nearly this impatient with Ezekiel...
Maybe its the holidays, that staying home over Christmas seems silly if I dont produce a baby over the week. Maybe its that this pregnancy has been a bit harder. Maybe its because I am actually looking forward to the birth this time, excited for it, and in knowledge of what to expect instead of scared and clueless.
Whatever the reason, staying prepared 24/7 is tiring. And disappointing.