A moment of clarity

This week was a difficult one, I will admit that. 1. I was exhausted from too many sleepless nights and near constant contractions, 2. Zeke was having a difficult time controlling/releasing his emotions and I was having a difficult time teaching him the correct ways of doing so/comforting him in his confusion 3. The mixture of the above two situations was putting me in a really dark place, of self doubt and loneliness and anxiety and I was having a harder and harder time pulling myself above the mire.

Thursday was a big day for turn-around for me however and I am beginning to see the light again. When I returned home with such severe contractions my midwife recommended a few dietary changes, including adding a calcium/magnesium supplement. The latest theory being that I was low on certain minerals and my muscles weakened because of it. It makes sense. Let's not forget what my body has been thru the last 4 years.

2006/December: miscarriage.
2007/June: miscarriage.
2008/June: happy and huge at 9+ months.
2009/June- 8 weeks pregnant again and weaning my son.
2009/December- Well that brings me to now. Happy and huge again.

The short of that...well short story...is that it would be no freaking surprise if my body is a little deprived. I've been putting it thru a lot.

I'm not 100% sure that it was because of the extra minerals or just because but by Thursday things had slowed down again considerably and have been more "normal" since. Meaning I am still contracting for a bit each day but they arent painful anymore. So that helped a lot with problem number 1...exhaustion and contractions.

Problem number 1 was also aided by Josh calling in sick from work on Thursday, although that was mostly as a band-aid for problem number 3, growing depression and anxiety. Josh and I both suffer from off-again, on-again, depression and we've learned to pick up on each other's signs, as well as the best ways to help pull each other out. My wonderful husband knew that a morning of sleep and an afternoon of crossing things off lists would do wonders for my ability to cope and head off any bigger problems. Also how depressed can you stay after a day with these two?

Problem number 3 was also aided a lot today, being my baby shower day. I couldnt believe how many peole came and being surrounded and reminded of all the wonderful friends I have here in Spokane, so full of love and support for me, was enlightening in ways I cant discribe. So thank you, girls. For being there for me in so many ways.

Problem 2...Zeke's tantrums. Well there is really not much I can do about that. He is 1. He doesn't fully understand his emotions yet and cant be expected to control or express them. I am being newly inspired, however, and beautifully encouraged by above-mentioned wonderful friends on different ways of teaching Zeke to begin to do so...to control and to express. And I am finding new patience every day.


Rachel said...

Thank you again for inviting me to your shower and letting me share your friends for an afternoon. :-)

I'm so terrible at maintaining friendships and really suck at doing much socialization and building relationships, so I don't really have any of my own friends. Everyone made me feel so welcome and like a part of the group (which is a huge contrast to how I felt at the other shower I went to last night).

You are just as kind-hearted and wonderful as all of your friends, and it meant a lot to me to be included.

(By the way, I don't know if you caught it back when I used to comment with my Livejournal OpenID, but I have a "blog" too at http://the-questess.livejournal.com)

Holly said...

Courtney, I am glad I was able to attend your shower.

I am glad things are looking up for you now.

Your pregnancy is almost over and soon you will holding your little blueberry in your arms and that is definitely something to look forward to and smile about now in the moment when things seem overwhelming.

You will be in my prayers over the next month or so.

It was lovely to see you and hopefully we will be able to get together again.

Oh yeah...when is the Christmas party? Let me know how the dress works out.