For some reason, no matter how long I am out of school I feel like Fall is truly the kick off to the new year. January passes right by but all of a sudden in September I am coming up with resolutions.

Yesterday I was trimming Zeke's nails when he suddenly said "Owie, mama." It wasn't accusatory, or even complaining but I found myself jumping to the defensive anyways, "Oh, that doesn't hurt." I told him and as soon as it passed my lips I could have slapped myself. Here is my son, barely learning how to comunicate his thoughts and feelings, and already I am telling him they are wrong. Why couldn't I have just said "sorry"?

It's such an easy habit to get into, when a child says they are hurt or scared or hungry or cold, or anything else that you aren't finding particularly convenient at the time, to tell them they aren't really. After all, they just ate, or there is nothing to be scared of. But facts often don't have much to do with feelings, as we all well know. And don't even small children have the right to their feelings?

As Zeke grows this year, and communicates more and more, I want to really watch the way that I respond to him. I want him to know that his thoughts are of worth, that his feelings are noted. I want him to know that his interests become my interests and that if he has something to say that I will always be his best listener. Even if its just a long winded speech about dinosaurs on trains. :) Although, come to think of it, can anyone really think of anything better than dinosaurs on trains?

I also had a lot of fun at the ABBA concert, more fun then I've had in quite a while in fact. Not only did I get to go out without my kids, but I went out with people who barely even know my kids. Not to diss on my mommy friends, I don't know what I'd do without them, but so often we just revert to talking about our kids all night. It took me a while to remember what other things there are to talk about!

Now that Malachi is getting older, and can munch on a bagel when he's hungry, I suddenly find myself with more freedom then I've had in 2 years. I want to spend more of it getting out this year. Really out.

I also want to spend some of this new-found freedom building stronger friendships. I've been so focused on my family the past few years, that I haven't always been the most attentive freind. I've also been learning slowly, oh so slowly, in my adulthood, about what kind of friends I should have, and what kind I shouldn't. It's a difficult lesson but I've come to realize that I sometimes put so much energy into people that aren't good for me, that then I don't have enough left over for the ones that are. Slowly I've learned to draw away from the people and situations in my life that cause negativity, drama, and influence bad habits...no matter how painful the drawing away is. Now I want to draw closer to the inspiring, supportive, loving people I know. And even more important, I want to make sure that I am one of those people for them.


Holly said...

Courtney, those are some great goals! I, too, look at September as the time to set goals. I believe it's the teacher in me or just the fact that I was a student for SO many years.

Melissa aka Equidae said...

wonderful goals and wonderful post...lots to think about for us all