The mother I could be

I am not always the mother that I could be.

For example. Sometimes I do an awful lot of couch-cushion parenting. I know better, I know that very little (if any) quality parenting has ever been accomplished sitting down. I know that repeating myself just dulls the message, that raising my voice doesnt actually make it any easier for a toddler to hear. But sometimes? Sometimes you can find me saying over and over (and over) again to "get OFF the table, please", instead of just getting up and removing him from said table. Sometimes I even make idle threats...thus ruining my constancy as a disiplinarian.

And sometimes I just clean all the toys at naptime. I know better than that too. I know I should always take the extra time to do it with Zeke, I know by taking the easy way to a cleaner house I am depriving him of gaining innumerable lessons (organization, self sufficiancy, pride of ownership, problem solving) not to mention teaching him that messes get magically cleaned up by someone else if ignored. But some afternoons I'd rather do the 5 minute job than the half-hour one.

Sometimes when trying to get out the door in the morning I yell, I yank, and I am all-around impatient. I know that toddlers have a hard time transitioning from one activity to the next. I know that they take lightyears to get their coat on, that they absolutely MUST do it themselves, and that socks have to be put on just so (and that "just so" can be a fickle beast, requiring numerous tries). I know that if we are late it's because I didnt plan enough time to get ready, not because Zeke is trying to be onery. But I still get impatient...I still sometimes yank and I still sometimes yell. I am ashamed, yet I do it.

I know it will be missed, and that it's precious, and that it's priceless...I know it's an opportunity for so much teaching and so much bonding...but some nights when I make dinner I sigh when Zeke pulls up his chair to help me.

When I leave something down that I shouldnt have and it creates a mess/gets broken I sometimes blame the babe instead of myself.

I could go on and on. And other times its different. But just so you know, sometimes I reaaly am not the mother I could be.


Holly said...

Me neither :(

Jules said...

Don't beat yourself up. We all have bad times, I'm sure you are a wonderful mommy.

Kim said...

Couldn't agree more. Somedays I feel like I did everything right and others not so much. We're only human right?

Bill said...

We are all human as Kim mentioned, and as such we are fallible. Our goal should not be to be perfect, but rather to be the best that we can be. And at times, to be the best we can be at that time. We talk quite often of the importance of forgiveness, but we need to remember that forgiving ourselves can also be the greatest gift.

Grandma Jane said...

Wow Bill, right on. So much wisdom you share, beautiful! Being the best mommy I think is just being exactly who you are, the good, the bad and the beautiful! You are a beautiful mommy Courtney.