Last Try

This is my last try for a nice relaxing day.

t's not looking great.

Zeke felt a LOT better on Thursday physically. But after spending an entire day like this:

He was sorely disappointed to find out the next morning when he climbed up onto the couch with his blanket demanding the laptop and a "nana" that not only would breakfast indeed be served at the table once more but imperiously pointing and saying "that" would only get him a reminder that he has legs and can use them. Oh yeah, and no cartoons.

So HIS mood was just PEACHY. Even despite the disappointing treatment he was receiving his rash still bothered him and I think he was still tired too. But he was healthy enough to sit up to eat and to walk a few feet to retrieve his stuffed pig and I didn't want to set a precedent of helplessness. So we fought. all. day.

THEN Josh came home from work and took me to dinner and informed me that for the next few weeks he'd be working 12 hour days and he was going to try to limit weekend work as much as possible but he wasn't making any promises. Apparently his manager thinks he's 3 people or something. Part of me understands that there is a lot of work that needs to be done and that they can't afford to hire more employees ect. but there's another part of me that's like "seriously? if the manager had to work that many hours I bet he would try harder to figure out ways to spread the work out over a normal work week. Instead he just makes everyone else give up their lives so that he can get a bunch of credit for checking off his whole to-do list." Uhg! Management.

Josh is also applying for a different job (within the same company) so we're really praying for that too. It's in development which is what he has been wanting to do since...well since he started school to become a software developer. Hours would probably be equally hellish but the work would be a lot less mundane and actually use some of his knowledge.

The final thing that's been bothering me today is silly but I will still divulge in blog complaining. Becasue I'm pregnant. And I can.

I weighed myself today and I am 160.5 pounds. Naked. I'm only 25 weeks pregnant for goodness sake! I dont think my 30 pound gain with Zeke is going to be repeated since that means I'd only have...oh...10 more pounds allowed and I havent even started my 3rd trimester which was when I gained ALL 30 POUNDS last time.

I also did something very very very stupid. I took a facebook quiz titled "what is your ideal weight". And it said 125 pounds. I've been thinking about that stupid freaking number for DAYS now. I'm 5 foot 6, I have a size D chest, (always have, in fact pre-Z I was a double D), and I have hips made for birthin'. Remember my 9 1/2 pound baby? That kid slid out in a very bad position without even an inkling of getting stuck.

So, I KNOW that 125 isnt ideal for me. If I had a smaller bone structure, or if I was shorter, or if my boobs didnt weigh 10 pounds alone. Or honestly if I wasnt as muscular as I am.

But then that other part of my brain keeps saying, but maybe you SHOULD weight 125. Maybe you should at least be 130... Maybe you have always been fat and you didnt know it. It's a voice that I've worked very hard in the last few years to silence and I got to a place where I was really happy with my body. So dealing with this over again is both upseting in itself and also dissapointing.

I dont want to be that woman that obsesses about her appearance all day, I never have. Josh doesnt want me to be that woman, the fact that I'm NOT is a big part of why he loves me. I dont want any future daughters to look up to that woman. So shut up, you stupid woman. Your body is healthy, it has grown and fed healthy children, it is beautiful in its own shape and size and coloring.

Try #5 for a restful day, my last hope before I seriously need to scrub that tub...has begun.

PS Mony is doing a little better. She's eating and pooping on her own, which is encouraging and getting better on her feet (she was a wobbly runner before). For some reason she makes me have "dancing with myself" stuck in my head instead of the Billy Idol song she's actually named after. PS, that song (dancing with myself) is about masturbation! Seriously? This knowledge may or may not ruin that song for me.

After doing some research I think I was right about my guess that Mony is 4 weeks. I wonder where her mom is and how she ended up in our fireplace? She still hides when we walk into her room but after we nab her she will sit with us now and even purr until someone makes a sudden movement. Next week I plan on letting her into the rest of the house to explore while Zeke is asleep and Ziggy is locked away. I'll try to remember to take the camera up there and get some pictures. I think she's funny looking personally. All big ears and long long fur.

oh a PPS Kaitie's labor stalled out after something like 36 hours, for those of you interested. So the countdown has been re-set.


Holly said...

Ok now I get that I am a big girl in more ways than just being 5'9". But I took that quiz and we won't go into how much weight I would have to lose to reach the number I got but I can't imagine being the 130 pounds it came up with for me. I haven't been 130 since I was a freshmen in high school where I was still growing and developing. Don't get hung up on that. It was a very stupid quiz and very unrealistic.

Rachel said...

But what if I want that developer job?


Good luck to him. (And I'm certainly no competition, after all, they haven't even advertised such an opening)
12 hour days, yuck! (And if they hire me, may be what I've signed up for.... they DID ask me if I'd be willing to work late sometimes. I'm so desperate for a job at this point....)

We once took in a litter of kittens and had to give them bottles and stuff. I have this can of second-step formula left over... it's sort of like rice cereal for kittens.
I'll try to remember to bring it to the next MM meeting.

Jennspiration said...

Don't even worry about your weight...its just a number...and from the last picture you posted I don't even think you look anywhere near that weight. You look like you are all baby...I don't know where all of that weight is hiding! You look beautiful...don't let any stupid facebook quiz tell you how much you should weigh!