Its been a long time since I've done a verse of the week. My bible reading, I will admit, has been pretty sketchy the last few weeks. Before Zeke I was really really good at being disciplined. I meditated and read 10 chapters a day...well...religiously. I ended up getting thru a tiny bit more than the full bible a year. It wasn't that hard because I usually used my lunch break at work. Having a set time of day is really the key.
AFTER Zeke....its on and off. I will do great for a month but then all of a sudden I realize my only prayers are the little 5 minute ones I scatter thru my day (I've made habits, I pray in my head every time I get in the car, every time I prepare some food, every time I look in a mirror, ect. It works really well for a constant connect) and that I've only read about 5 chapters THAT WEEK, and none at all for a good 3 days in a row.
Its not even like I really dont have the time. I've always said that reading the bible is more important than watching House, more important than reading blogs, more important then reading whatever novel I am on. These are things I generally find time for. Yet I refuse to find time for the Lord. Heck, it's more important to read the bible then it is to keep this house clean. I know Josh would agree and not blame me for a sink full of dishes if he knew I used to time for a good prayer session.
I think at the very heart of it my alone and quiet time is just so much rarer, so much more valuable, then it used to be that these days I dont feel like paying the price of that hour or two. When it meant putting off my novel until later that day it was hard but easily done with a little discipline. When it means I wont get to read my novel AT ALL that day...or maybe even the next...well I am weak and selfish, I never said I wasnt.
Today was a bit of a sucess though and I was very graciously led to this verse "I am my beloved's and his desire is for me." in Solomon 7, verse 10. It's so comforting to know that it isnt up to us to find God, that we are His beloved and that He is searching for us. It is only up to us to allow ourselves to be found...and to stay found. Like Simon Tugwell says in his book Prayer, "Our hope is in His determination to save us, and He will not give in."