Thoughts on My Boys

zZeke's newest interests include giving what he has named "super squeezes",
eating like there is no tomorrow (or at least if there IS a tomorrow it wont include food),
and anal retentively lining things up in neat rows. Cars, shoes, refridgerator magnets. Nothing escapes his desire for organization.
Also trains. I suspect because they come pre-lined-up in an anal retentivly neat row. That and it seems like a train obsession is just one of those things every boy has to go thru.
He is really entering a fun stage. Josh and I are enjoying him a lot right now.
Did you notice what he did to those crayons? The kid is nuts.
Every now and then I worry I love Zeke more than Malachi. I think its just that everything with Zeke has always been a struggle.
Getting pregnant with him was a struggle, birthing him was a struggle, breastfeeding was a struggle, his sensitivity has been a struggle, his intense emotions have been a struggle, his seperation anxiety has been a struggle, I could go on and on.
Ive just fought so fiercly for Zeke, and with Zeke and yes, sometimes against Zeke, that it's created a fiercly close bond. We are both so sensitive to other people's emotions, as well, that we feed off each other emotionally pretty much all day long, which makes it hard to seperate as individual people.
That and because of who Zeke is, I end up worrying about him, thinking about him, and considering his needs so much more than Mal. Josh and I are considering finding a regular babysitter for an every/other week date and I assure you it isnt the 3 month old we are concerned about.

Other times, though, I worry I love Malachi more.
And for all the opposite reasons.
Everything is just easy with that boy, everything has come naturally. He sleeps well and he loves everyone and he is always happy. Mal is sweetness incarnate. The kid will seriously be playing by himself on the floor for a half hour, fall asleep, and then wake up and continue playing. And no matter what, even if he is crying, if you lean down and talk to him he will give you the biggest goofiest smile.
You cant HELP but to love Malachi.
If I had to choose 1 word to describe my second born it would be "Joy". He is pure joy for me. Forced to pick a word to describe Zeke I wouldn't be able to come up with anything so nice, and I know it. Looking over this post perhaps I'd choose "struggle" though its a verb. "Intense" is probably the best I could come up with.Malachi is not intense.
He is sweet. He is joyful. He is easygoing and patient. Malachi means "my angel" and I chose his name well.
And he is hitting a great stage as well. We got out the bumbo yesterday for the first time and he is loving practicing picking up toys off the tray and bringing them to his mouth.
He will practice it forever. And though his picking up skills are better than his keeping hold of skills, he has a big brother willing to crouch by his side and put all the dropped toys back on the tray.

My boys DO adore eachother.
And I think if I am learning anything, its that I love both of them evenly...in very very different ways.