2010 was neither a great, nor an awful, year so I feel a bit apathetic at its passing. We had our traditional wreck of a New Years Eve (Josh and I have never, ever, been able to manage a good New Years Eve for some reason...the day might be cursed for us). We went to a party with the other Bloom leaders plus their families....and lasted about 3 hours (8:30) before Zeke threw a Super Tantrum and had to be carried out and home. It had something to do with wanting water, but not the cup I offered (seriously).
I took a bath and was in bed by 10.
Then I woke up at 4am wide awake.
Over-all, honestly, the night was a good example of the entire year. I had some high goals and the best of intentions, but things were just slightly out of control. Twenty-ten was the year of the best intentions.
I'm hoping for a bit better, come 2011.
With the kids a bit older now, turning respectively 1 and 3 in January and June, and for once in my adult life, no baby on the way, I want to really try to focus on myself this year. 2010 was a survival year. I did what I had to in order to survive and I didn't much get around to anything past survival (aka anything for myself). It was all about filling the kid's needs, then the husband's needs, and the various commitments I had made in mindful mamas and in church and for Bloom and honestly after that? I was passed out.
In 2011 I want to take the time to take care of myself. There is a lot that goes into that. I want to take more care in the way that I dress, wearing clothes that I like...clothes that make me like me. I want to take the time to shower and do my hair and maybe even a bit of makeup. Every day. As a person that doesn't actually understand what one possibly does in a morning routine that lasts over 30 minutes, I think that is a manageable goal. I want to cultivate stronger friendships, something I've said I was working on for a few months now, but have been too shy about putting myself out there to actually accomplish. I want to make the time to exercise. It's ridiculous that in the 24 hours of a day it's impossible to carve out 20 minutes every now and then to be alone and run. I am going to commit, absolutely commit, to kicking the depressive, postpartumy, funk I've been in for the last 6 months since my last miscarriage. Its not ok for me to feel like this all the time and if that means I need medical help, well then I need medical help.
So here is to 2011. The year of the mommy. Or rather the year of the Courtney. Because this year, as great as mommy is, I'm going to be more.