Embarassed

I've been feeling a bit embarrassed...ashamed, really...over my behavior recently as my due date approached, came, and then passed me by. I have been impatient. And cranky. And complaining pretty much non-stop. I'm sorry for everyone that has had to deal with me. I would like to make excuses right now, about being so very huge and uncomfortable, and about my nearly constant braxton-hicks contractions, and my fears that I'm going to have to induce yet again to get this baby out. But I think excuses are just counterproductive at this point. Because it is all of course worth it. I am thankful to be healthy enough to carry my babies to term and it is some comfort to tell myself that my extra-long cooking methods create extra-adorable babies :) It is only a matter of days or at most a week or two at this point, I am keeping faith that I WILL go into labor when the time is right. Plus as soon as it is all over I'm sure I will forget all about it and want to get pregnant again right away.

(Actually, although Josh and I have decided we definitely want a #3 and are deeply considering a #4 we are taking a "break" before that adventure. My body is tired and we think it would be best for my health, for my sanity, and for our children, if we let some time pass before adding to our brood. Some people can handle marathon pregnancies and some people can fulfill the needs of 3 or 4 preschoolers at once, but I doubt my abilities on both those scores. Plus, since we are only 23 and 24 we aren't exactly racing a clock. What "a break" entails we arent sure. Until I have weaned Blueberry and have had my body to myself for a full year? Until both these kids are potty-trained? Until Zeke is in school? We think we will just wait and see how we feel as time passes, but we are thinking a good 3-5 years before my next pregnancy would be ideal.)

Anyways, I have an acupuncture appointment tonight. I am nervous, having never done acupuncture before but I have heard good things about its ability to get babies moving, I happen to know a local acupuncturist, and it is a risk-free induction technique. And then Friday is a new moon, which may also help. I am keeping faith.

6 comments:

Audra said...

Aww, hang in there baby mama. You've got nothing to be embarrassed about. I've yet to meet a woman who, at this stage of her pregnancy, was content to keep her little one stuffed inside.

Heather@WHMB said...

Good luck! And do not apologize ever about behavior past your due date - it's totally allowed. As if the 10 months wasn't long enough to carry that baby, then they decide to wait a few more days. So fun and exciting though, hang in there. :)

Ivory said...

It's all heart vs mind - no matter how zen your mind is right now, your heart sucks at logic. ;) You are doing great Courtney. Baby will (will!) be here soon.

Also, I hear ya on the break. Tom is (and probably always will be) rooting for "just one more!" but I need to give my body/soul a chance to heal and recenter. Then again, I said that last time, and then the baby rabies got me. I blame Kait. ;)

Jules said...

Hang in there. My daughter went three weeks over last year before she finally got induced. That was a little too long though.

Lianne said...

You're doing great; don't feel bad. If anyone has the right to be cranky and impatient, it's you; we understand!

I hope you enjoy accupuncture as much as I do. I've loved my experiences with it, and can't wait to go back again. I've had real succes with pain relief and changes in my energy- going from none to tons.

Rachel said...

A break sounds like a great idea. I'm sure you're going to feel even more like a break sounds perfect after #2 is actually here.
... Or at least from what I hear. It's a LOT of work to have two under-3's! My mom is always telling everyone that the 3 years she put between me and my brother were perfect... I was old enough to be able to "help" out a little and at least not be as needy anymore, and we were far enough apart to not be competing for the same friends ... but we were close enough to be able to play together and not make my mom be 70 before she got the last one out of the nest. :-D

Giving your body a break also sounds great. I know I'm still awaiting the time when I'll get mine back!