Preschool Blues

Our new in-the-car routine goes something like this:

"I'm not allowed to kick people, right?"

"right."

"But I'm allowed to kick a bad guy, like if I saw a bad guy, and we were fighting, right?"

"right."

"My left hand makes an L, right?"

"right."

"There are red apples, and green apples, and pear apples, but only 1 a day, right?"

"right."

"But baby gets one too, so that means 2, right?"

"right."

"Excavators are too big to fit in our house, right?"

"right."

And honestly its been kind of fun. For one thing, I can barely listen, because all I have to do is wait for a pause and then say right. Anything else is unnecessary and frankly, unwanted. Beats the constant "why" game, which for the record, you can never win and often requires some mind-bending thinking. Not as nice as driving in blessed silence, or listening to the radio in peace but let's be honest, those were never possibilities anyways.

So now I get a glimpse of what exactly is going thru Zeke's brain every time we climb in the car. The things that have struck him, the things that he's pondering, the lessons he's remembered. And it's often hella interesting. And its often heartening to know how much he is paying attention, all too often I feel like the peanuts teacher- wah wah wah.

And every once in a while it makes me feel kind of bad.

"Mac goes to school, right?"

"right."

"and Xavia goes to school, right?"

"right."

"and Mckenzie goes to school, right?"

"right..."

"And Preston goes to school, right?"

"Not yet, but he will start to go to school next week."

"And I will go to school next week too, right?"

"Uhh...no, you stay home with mommy and malachi."

"oh."

And we've had variations of this conversation over, and over, and over again. We've talked about how some people go to school, and some people go to work, and some people stay home. We've talked about how Layla doesn't go to school either, or Noah. We've talked about how when you go to school you are by yourself, and mommies aren't allowed. But apparently none if it sets in- this kid wants to go to school.

Its not like I wasn't somewhat prepared that this conversation would happen. Sooner or later he would want to go to school, sooner or later the answer would be no. We are planning on homeschooling after all.

But I'll admit that I wasn't prepared for it now.

Honestly, homeschooling plans aside, Zeke wouldn't go to preschool this year anyways. We just plain cant afford it. It's too expensive. The one preschool co-op that I know of is semi-affordable at 50 dollars a month for two days a week. But honestly even that- with a 35 dollars a quarter, and another 35 registration fee tacked on feels a bit cost prohibitive.

Add to that its being a co-op- which means it requires that I volunteer one day a week- which means finding babysitting for Mal one day a week...its just not going to work.

And I'm still really not convinced that Zeke would enjoy it- he's blissfully looking over that whole "he'd have to go by himself" bit I think. But he thinks he would enjoy it. He sees this giant, mysterious, thing that everyone (seemingly) else gets to do and he doesn't get to do. And he thinks it would be wonderful.

And I'm not sure that he's wrong.

And I hate it.