Uhg. I hate those moments where one year (or day) you say you would "never" such and such and then the next year (or day) you are ashamedly doing it. Parenting makes you have a lot of those moments.
And yes, I just smacked my kid.
I have always been a big arguer against the hit-kids-for-hitting, and bite-kids-for-biting method of parenting. Someone has to be the adult in the situation, after all. And I am very very aware of the fact that I've got officer Zeke (as we have begun to call him) watching me and the way that I interact with others...copying those interactions step by step, and also sometimes informing me that I am being rude.
But you see, Malachi is a biter. Not, Malachi bit me once, or he is going thru a biting stage. He is a biter. He always has been. He bites me when he wants to nurse (despite the fact that this has never ever resulted in nursing...6 months later it is still his cue that he wants to nurse), he bites me when he is nursing and my milk runs out before he is done. He bites me when he thinks I am ignoring him and he bites me when he is jealous of his brother. Sometimes he also bites me for no apparent reason at all- I am assuming his teeth hurt?
I have tried everything. EVERYTHING. I have been positively militant about the biting never resulting in what he wants it to. If he's biting to nurse I say "no biting" and make sure he waits a looong while before nursing. If he's biting for attention I tell him "no biting" and then leave him alone in the room. I've tried yelling "Ow!" and he thought it was hilarious. I've tried giving him really really mean looks, looks that are sure to bring Zeke to tears, and he just makes the look back at me- and then smiles. I've tried time-ins, I've tried time-outs. I've tried showing him better uses for his mouth, like kissing, and better ways of asking to nurse or getting attention. I have praised him to the moon when he does those things instead of biting. All to no avail. He bites me 2-20 times a day. He has every day for the last 6 months.
Then he started biting Josh. And then the dog. He loves the way she yelps, apparently. And then he started biting his brother- who is not taking it very well, I am here to assure you.
The only living beings safe from Malachi biting, I have found, are the cats. Ziggy because he is not nearly stupid enough to go near Mal, and Mony because the first time Mal bit her she scratched him across the face.
He didn't like that.
And I've decided that now that he is sometimes drawing blood (yes, drawing blood), and his relationship with his brother is on the rocks, and he is sure to soon be the local toddler Parana...well something had to be done.
And reader...
Last time Malachi bit me I smacked him in the mouth.
Not hard. But hard enough.
And you know what? Its been 3 days and he hasn't bit me again.
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label discipline. Show all posts
A post about discipline (part 2)
Its a good thing I split this up into two posts because once I got going this ended up being very long.
Earlier today, though, I wrote that I blame myself when I discipline Zeke because I know it could have been avoided had I set him up better to succeed. Josh finds fault with that statement and to a point he is right. I'll agree that I do tend, as a person, to blame myself for just about everything. And it's important to remember that you cant control your child's behavior. They are not always going to behave, and in fact misbehavior and dealing with the consequences are an important part of development.
Its also bee pointed out to me by a few readers that discipline and punishment are two different things, though I was using them interchangeably. Point well taken.
Here are the tips I was speaking of, however, on setting your kids up to have good behavior. I suppose you can consider them a form of discipline themselves.
THINK AHEAD
I know I harp on this an awful lot but keep in mind your child's rhythm when you plan your day. Is he always cranky in the late afternoon? Then maybe go grocery shopping in the morning when he is more likely to behave. Is your child going to get hungry or tired while you are out? None of us are our best when our blood sugar is low or we are exhausted, don't let it happen! Working around a child's schedule isn't always fun or easy but it WILL make your day a whole lot easier.
Don't underestimate the powers of a well-packed bag, either. Bring that emergency snack. Or that emergency change of clothes if your child might get wet at the park and then cranky at all the errands he has to run in damp clothing afterward. Bring quiet activities for them to do if you want them to be quiet in a waiting room.
If you think your child isn't going to be able to share that certain favorite toy, then put it away before friends come over. If its going to take a half hour to get ready to go, then reserve a half hour. If there is a gorgeous vase at your mom's house that you just know your baby wont be able to resist then ask if it can be moved higher while you are there. If there is going to be a lot of walking, bring a stroller. So soo many situations can be avoided by proper planning.
MAKE EXPECTATIONS AGE-APPROPRIATE
Make sure your expectations are appropriate for the child's maturity level. Most two year olds are not going to be able to sit quietly in church, no matter how many quiet activities you bring, so don't expect them to. Put them in the nursery or put up with a small amount of babbling. They aren't going to resist that vase of grandmas. They aren't going to be able to remember from one day to the next not to jump off the coffee table. They aren't going to be able to hold your hand and walk with you all over the mall. Their little arms get numb after all!
That doesn't mean you cant be teaching all of those things. Of course you don't just LET them jump off the coffee table! You should be teaching your child correct behavior after all, its your job. You just have to be prepared to remind them over and over again, and you might have to accept that many lessons are best avoided for now and taught later when they are ready for them.
REDIRECT, REDIRECT, REDIRECT
The 4 toddler lifesavers: Redirection, distraction, substitution, and childproofing. Ain't nothing wrong with them! We don't childproof much around here. I don't own anything that I'd cry to have broken, don't keep toxic products outside the basement, and don't mind (usually) my Tupperware spread all over the house. You might, though, so I include it. And redirection, distraction, and substitution? Don't know how I would get along without them! Josh call is bribery but I just consider it positive thinking!!
Redirection/Substitution: It is just so much easier to say "no, you cant do/have that" when you can follow it right up with "but you can do/have this". If your child is getting into breakable or dangerous kitchen-ware, provide a drawer that they CAN get into. If ripping up books, give them a newspaper to rip.
You will probably have to get up, physically move the child away from the “bad” activity, and physically introduce the “good” activity. Successful parenting can rarely be done from a couch cushion, unfortunately.
Distraction: Anything from plain old, “look at this over here!” to the practice of couching bad news with good as in, “We have to clean up, then its time for nap!” (if you child is like mine and loves napping, of course) or “We have to leave the park now, but you have a snack in the car!”
FOSTER A SENSE OF TRUST
Its all about consistency. If the rule is no jumping off the coffee table, then the rule always has to be no jumping off the coffee table. And if you say you are going to leave McDonalds if they push their brother one more time, you are unfortunately going to have to leave McDonalds when they do it.
Children are busy learning about the world and they need boundaries that they can trust to be the same, everyday, every time. And they also need to be able to trust your word. So be careful to not make rules or punishments that you aren't willing to enforce.
BE AN EXAMPLE
The easiest way to teach a behavior? Do it yourself. If you start cleaning up toys a child can hardly help but join along. If you take your shoes off and put them carefully by the front door, you will soon find your toddler doing the same. If you want your child to use gentler words, watch the way that you are speaking, they picked it up somewhere after all!
MAKE IT A GAME
While none of us have the patience to make everything into a game, it can be a lifesaver when you DO have the patience. I read the blog of one mom, for example, that has a song for every transition. She has a breakfast time song and a clean-up song, a put your shoes on song, and a bed time song. Her kids love it, and I'm sure mine would too if I could only get over the fact that I am not, nor do I want to be, Mary Poppins.
But when walking that last tired bit to the car and I cant pick Zeke up sometimes we take giant steps and then hopping bunny steps and then tiny teeny steps. When picking up all those legos we are racing to see who can pick up the most or throwing them in the bucket from across the room.
I am regularly finding amazing and breath-of-fresh-air parenting advice on TheParentingPassageway.com. I highly recommend this website. She has a wonderful Gently Discipline Tab at the top of her main page, and a great series on what to expect at each age that you can search for. Id also love your thoughts on this post, do you have tricks up your parenting sleeve as well?
Earlier today, though, I wrote that I blame myself when I discipline Zeke because I know it could have been avoided had I set him up better to succeed. Josh finds fault with that statement and to a point he is right. I'll agree that I do tend, as a person, to blame myself for just about everything. And it's important to remember that you cant control your child's behavior. They are not always going to behave, and in fact misbehavior and dealing with the consequences are an important part of development.
Its also bee pointed out to me by a few readers that discipline and punishment are two different things, though I was using them interchangeably. Point well taken.
Here are the tips I was speaking of, however, on setting your kids up to have good behavior. I suppose you can consider them a form of discipline themselves.
THINK AHEAD
I know I harp on this an awful lot but keep in mind your child's rhythm when you plan your day. Is he always cranky in the late afternoon? Then maybe go grocery shopping in the morning when he is more likely to behave. Is your child going to get hungry or tired while you are out? None of us are our best when our blood sugar is low or we are exhausted, don't let it happen! Working around a child's schedule isn't always fun or easy but it WILL make your day a whole lot easier.
Don't underestimate the powers of a well-packed bag, either. Bring that emergency snack. Or that emergency change of clothes if your child might get wet at the park and then cranky at all the errands he has to run in damp clothing afterward. Bring quiet activities for them to do if you want them to be quiet in a waiting room.
If you think your child isn't going to be able to share that certain favorite toy, then put it away before friends come over. If its going to take a half hour to get ready to go, then reserve a half hour. If there is a gorgeous vase at your mom's house that you just know your baby wont be able to resist then ask if it can be moved higher while you are there. If there is going to be a lot of walking, bring a stroller. So soo many situations can be avoided by proper planning.
MAKE EXPECTATIONS AGE-APPROPRIATE
Make sure your expectations are appropriate for the child's maturity level. Most two year olds are not going to be able to sit quietly in church, no matter how many quiet activities you bring, so don't expect them to. Put them in the nursery or put up with a small amount of babbling. They aren't going to resist that vase of grandmas. They aren't going to be able to remember from one day to the next not to jump off the coffee table. They aren't going to be able to hold your hand and walk with you all over the mall. Their little arms get numb after all!
That doesn't mean you cant be teaching all of those things. Of course you don't just LET them jump off the coffee table! You should be teaching your child correct behavior after all, its your job. You just have to be prepared to remind them over and over again, and you might have to accept that many lessons are best avoided for now and taught later when they are ready for them.
REDIRECT, REDIRECT, REDIRECT
The 4 toddler lifesavers: Redirection, distraction, substitution, and childproofing. Ain't nothing wrong with them! We don't childproof much around here. I don't own anything that I'd cry to have broken, don't keep toxic products outside the basement, and don't mind (usually) my Tupperware spread all over the house. You might, though, so I include it. And redirection, distraction, and substitution? Don't know how I would get along without them! Josh call is bribery but I just consider it positive thinking!!
Redirection/Substitution: It is just so much easier to say "no, you cant do/have that" when you can follow it right up with "but you can do/have this". If your child is getting into breakable or dangerous kitchen-ware, provide a drawer that they CAN get into. If ripping up books, give them a newspaper to rip.
You will probably have to get up, physically move the child away from the “bad” activity, and physically introduce the “good” activity. Successful parenting can rarely be done from a couch cushion, unfortunately.
Distraction: Anything from plain old, “look at this over here!” to the practice of couching bad news with good as in, “We have to clean up, then its time for nap!” (if you child is like mine and loves napping, of course) or “We have to leave the park now, but you have a snack in the car!”
FOSTER A SENSE OF TRUST
Its all about consistency. If the rule is no jumping off the coffee table, then the rule always has to be no jumping off the coffee table. And if you say you are going to leave McDonalds if they push their brother one more time, you are unfortunately going to have to leave McDonalds when they do it.
Children are busy learning about the world and they need boundaries that they can trust to be the same, everyday, every time. And they also need to be able to trust your word. So be careful to not make rules or punishments that you aren't willing to enforce.
BE AN EXAMPLE
The easiest way to teach a behavior? Do it yourself. If you start cleaning up toys a child can hardly help but join along. If you take your shoes off and put them carefully by the front door, you will soon find your toddler doing the same. If you want your child to use gentler words, watch the way that you are speaking, they picked it up somewhere after all!
MAKE IT A GAME
While none of us have the patience to make everything into a game, it can be a lifesaver when you DO have the patience. I read the blog of one mom, for example, that has a song for every transition. She has a breakfast time song and a clean-up song, a put your shoes on song, and a bed time song. Her kids love it, and I'm sure mine would too if I could only get over the fact that I am not, nor do I want to be, Mary Poppins.
But when walking that last tired bit to the car and I cant pick Zeke up sometimes we take giant steps and then hopping bunny steps and then tiny teeny steps. When picking up all those legos we are racing to see who can pick up the most or throwing them in the bucket from across the room.
I am regularly finding amazing and breath-of-fresh-air parenting advice on TheParentingPassageway.com. I highly recommend this website. She has a wonderful Gently Discipline Tab at the top of her main page, and a great series on what to expect at each age that you can search for. Id also love your thoughts on this post, do you have tricks up your parenting sleeve as well?
a post about discipline
A note before I begin: I am talking about MY son and MY family here. Your child and your family may be different, in fact, they most likely are. Nothing frusterates me more then when I write something about how I raise Zeke and then someone reads it and gets all insulted because that's not the way they raise their child. We all raise our kids differently! As well we should because all of our kids are different! Not to mention all of our beliefs, personalities, family situations, ect. Go ahead and take what resonates with you, if you find something that does. If not, then just ignore it and go on as you were.
I very very very rarely discipline Ezekiel. Partly because I just dont know how. Time-outs, my favorite option, are far too tramatizing for him. There is just a point with small children where the punishment is so emotional that it overrides any actual lesson. All they can remember is the punishment, and not what they did to recieve it. Time-outs are like that with Zeke. Physical seperation from me is so overwhelming for him that he panics and it can take hours to calm him down.
There is also the "go in the corner" type time out, where they are in the same room as you, I suppose. But I've actually never understood how you get this to work without either punishing them for not doing their punishment correctly (what a rabbit hole) or physically restraining them, which just seems like a wrestling match when you consider my kid is well over 30 pounds now. I've seen the super nanny, back in my TV days, place a child in a chair over and over and over again while he screams bloody murder but 1. I have two children and no time for this and 2. I'm afraid it becomes more a battle of wills then a lesson. Useful with those super nanny kids, perhaps, for whom the lesson IS a battle of wills or for kids that will do it for some magical reason.
And while I believe in spanking, and do spank on occasion, I only reserve it for the very worst offences. Dangerous things, like running away from me in a parking lot. Or after I've tried everything else possible and he is still outright disobeying. Not day to day teaching, Zeke probably only gets spanked once every few months.
And I will stop here to note that there is a BIG difference between hitting and spanking. Dont tell me there isnt. I am in no way supporting hitting. Spanking is controlled, it's forwarned. There is always a level of "You cant do this because such and such, if you do it again you are going to be spanked" and then 2 seconds later (not days later or even hours later, children have no long term memory) "And now you are going to be spanked because so and so." I would never, say, catch up to Zeke in a parking lot and then bend over and whack him one. I get so irritated with people that do that and call it spanking, it makes the rest of us look bad. If you are angry, if you are out of control, then you need to take a moment and parent yourself a bit before you move onto your child.
And since I'm already on my soapbox I'll also mention that I'm also not fond of the whole "do it back" method. Biting a child that bit you, or pulling his hair because he pulled yours, breaking his toy because he broke your vase. I just kind of feel like someone has to be the adult.
So, as you can see, I'm a little light on punishment options.
Fortunately I also don't discipline Zeke much because I just dont find I have to. I would even go so far as to say that when I DO discipline Zeke I see it as a failing in myself. Because I know it could have been avoided had I set him up to suceed. In almost every situation where I punish Zeke I can pinpoint something I could have done instead. Which is unfortunately going to have to be the point of a post I'm going to write later, since I see that my kids need me right now. :)
Relatedly, Ezekiel has finally stopped throwing up. Or at least its been a bit over 12 hours now and he's switched from pathetic to demanding. When I stop feeling bad for him, I usually take it as a good sign.
I very very very rarely discipline Ezekiel. Partly because I just dont know how. Time-outs, my favorite option, are far too tramatizing for him. There is just a point with small children where the punishment is so emotional that it overrides any actual lesson. All they can remember is the punishment, and not what they did to recieve it. Time-outs are like that with Zeke. Physical seperation from me is so overwhelming for him that he panics and it can take hours to calm him down.
There is also the "go in the corner" type time out, where they are in the same room as you, I suppose. But I've actually never understood how you get this to work without either punishing them for not doing their punishment correctly (what a rabbit hole) or physically restraining them, which just seems like a wrestling match when you consider my kid is well over 30 pounds now. I've seen the super nanny, back in my TV days, place a child in a chair over and over and over again while he screams bloody murder but 1. I have two children and no time for this and 2. I'm afraid it becomes more a battle of wills then a lesson. Useful with those super nanny kids, perhaps, for whom the lesson IS a battle of wills or for kids that will do it for some magical reason.
And while I believe in spanking, and do spank on occasion, I only reserve it for the very worst offences. Dangerous things, like running away from me in a parking lot. Or after I've tried everything else possible and he is still outright disobeying. Not day to day teaching, Zeke probably only gets spanked once every few months.
And I will stop here to note that there is a BIG difference between hitting and spanking. Dont tell me there isnt. I am in no way supporting hitting. Spanking is controlled, it's forwarned. There is always a level of "You cant do this because such and such, if you do it again you are going to be spanked" and then 2 seconds later (not days later or even hours later, children have no long term memory) "And now you are going to be spanked because so and so." I would never, say, catch up to Zeke in a parking lot and then bend over and whack him one. I get so irritated with people that do that and call it spanking, it makes the rest of us look bad. If you are angry, if you are out of control, then you need to take a moment and parent yourself a bit before you move onto your child.
And since I'm already on my soapbox I'll also mention that I'm also not fond of the whole "do it back" method. Biting a child that bit you, or pulling his hair because he pulled yours, breaking his toy because he broke your vase. I just kind of feel like someone has to be the adult.
So, as you can see, I'm a little light on punishment options.
Fortunately I also don't discipline Zeke much because I just dont find I have to. I would even go so far as to say that when I DO discipline Zeke I see it as a failing in myself. Because I know it could have been avoided had I set him up to suceed. In almost every situation where I punish Zeke I can pinpoint something I could have done instead. Which is unfortunately going to have to be the point of a post I'm going to write later, since I see that my kids need me right now. :)
Relatedly, Ezekiel has finally stopped throwing up. Or at least its been a bit over 12 hours now and he's switched from pathetic to demanding. When I stop feeling bad for him, I usually take it as a good sign.
updates all around
1. The best lunch ever: iced peppermint herbal tea and a bagel sandwich with avocado, cream cheese, fresh turkey, and at least an inch of clover sprouts. I know this to be true so don't doubt me.
2. I've been upping my protein intake this week a lot and it's really helping my headaches and my exhaustion. With Zeke I had a really hard time getting enough protein as well, honestly I had a hard time getting enough calories at all. Since I've been on about 3,000 calories a day for almost 2 years now I'm really used to the high calorie diet and barely have to think about it. In fact in another 2 or more years when I finally wean Blueberry and have to go back down to a reasonable intake of food we're probably going to have problems. But after my pregnancy with Zeke I allowed my protien intake to dwindle back to basically nothing so Im having a hard time with that again.
The problem is that not only do I really not enjoy eating red meat, but peanut butter and eggs make me nauseous when I'm pregnant. Josh jokes that protien must make me nauseous because it seems like most protien rich foods do. On top of that issue is the fact that I need the full 80-100 grams of protien that is recommended a day to even function as a person, to feel GOOD I need even more. So I've been doing a lot of sneaking. I eat a handful or two of almonds a couple times a day, I put protien rich slim-fast type powders in my milk, I sneak a boiled egg or even two on my salads where I dont really notice them...
Josh has also bought me a few protien bars to try out that he's heard come highly reccomended. I dont like the ones that he eats but they are like the highest protien count that you can buy. They dont taste necessarily BAD but they also dont taste good, and one bite tends to make me over-full.
Anyways, if anyone has any ideas on how to sneak in even more protien I'm open to suggestions.
I do like chicken and fish and have been making it alot for dinner but it seems like a lot of work for lunches and snacks.
3. By my calculations I am 16 weeks today and should start feeling movement any day now. If I don't at least this week Cathy and I will probably re-think my due date since its pretty fuzzy yet.
4. I took Zeke to the public pool on Friday and we had a blast. I think we stayed just under 3 hours, long after all our friends had left. We are definately going to go back soon. I wore my one peice swimsuit because I was feeling rather ashamed of my tummy since it's not pregnant looking so much as just bloated looking. I thought people would assume I was chubby and not just pregnant. It's getting tight enough that it's really uncomfortable though and by the time we left the pool I was really regretting the decision. I hate it when I let myself get ashamed of my body that way. I mean, honestly, who's going to be sitting around the pool judging other women's bodies? And if they are, why do I care what they think of me? I know I'm healthy and beautiful and that should be enough. I honestly have learned to love my size, and my shape. Of course there are things I could change but I am healthy and strong and the way God made me. Anyways, we are going to Kim and Prestons' tomorrow to swim and I am so going to wear my two piece so I can actually breath, tummy flab or no. Even if Kim is teeny tiny ;)
5. Zeke just fell asleep in his highchair. I think its nap time.
6. Ziggy is continuing to assimilate into the family perfectly. He is perfectly litter box trained and we've even been able to move it into the upstairs bathroom where it is more out of the way. Ezekiel and him play constantly. In fact, they want to play so much that both have ended up on occasion being punished for not allowing the other to nap. First thing whenever Zeke comes home or wakes up he yells "kitty" and has to find Ziggy to hug and kiss him. I've never met such a dependant cat before, though, he HATES being left alone in a room and if he falls asleep and you leave he will cry when he wakes up until he finds you. He sleeps all night cuddled right under my neck, lol. When Blueberry is born and he's kicked down by my legs he's probably going to be dissapointed.
7. I am realizing Zeke is truly a toddler and needs to be treated more like one. Always before when we disciplined Zeke we mostly just redirected. Sometimes he would get really defiant and keep going back and back to the naughty behavior and we would have to remove the temptation completely or even spank him if it was dangerous but for the most part his interest could be easily moved. Not so much anymore. He remembers now and he KNOWS what he wants. Redirecting is no longer enough.
Josh and I's new plan, which we've started implementing the last few days or so is really working though. At first offense we get down to his level and tell him gently that he can't do that, WHY he cant do that, and offer a similar activity that is IS allowed to do. Honestly, this is really working and a lot of the time it ends right there. Josh and I both feel like explaining to him why he can't do something, rather then just telling him no and offering him something else to do, is the key. Of course many other times Zeke decides that our reasons are insufficient and he will go ahead and continue whatever he was doing, at that point we physically remove him from the area he is being naughty in and tell him much more firmly that no means no and he will not do that. Sometimes he cries for a while and then moves on, and then other times he squares up his shoulders, gives us a nasty look, and runs as fast as he can back to what he was doing. This time he gets spanked. I hate spanking him but I also dont know what else to do and DO NOT want to encourage that kind of defiance. I feel like he is too little for time outs and that just removing him over and over again just puts me at his level, fighting as an equal.
Luckily it rarely goes that far. And often when it does there are outside factors contributing like over exhaustion, being overwhelmed by the day, teething, ect. If I think that is the case then oftentimes after the firm no step I will just stop what I am doing and have some quiet time with books or something. That way he doesn't do it a 3rd time and I am not forced to spank him when I know he is overwhelmed and unable to control himself completely, After a little break or nap he's often ready for me to go back to what I was doing and it's not really a waste of time because I would have wasted just as much if not more spanking him and dealing with the after-affects. Of course I will admit, he's not always over exhausted, sometimes he's just being stubborn and ornery. And sometimes I cant stop what I'm doing. So the spanking does happen on occasion. Probably every other day.
Josh and I are hoping it gets to be less and less though since our steps are so consistent and with both of us doing them exactly the same. I know having a game plan set of exactly what we will do not only helps Zeke make sense of what to expect but helps us to keep calm and avoid over punishing in the heat of frusteration.
Wish us luck with it.
2. I've been upping my protein intake this week a lot and it's really helping my headaches and my exhaustion. With Zeke I had a really hard time getting enough protein as well, honestly I had a hard time getting enough calories at all. Since I've been on about 3,000 calories a day for almost 2 years now I'm really used to the high calorie diet and barely have to think about it. In fact in another 2 or more years when I finally wean Blueberry and have to go back down to a reasonable intake of food we're probably going to have problems. But after my pregnancy with Zeke I allowed my protien intake to dwindle back to basically nothing so Im having a hard time with that again.
The problem is that not only do I really not enjoy eating red meat, but peanut butter and eggs make me nauseous when I'm pregnant. Josh jokes that protien must make me nauseous because it seems like most protien rich foods do. On top of that issue is the fact that I need the full 80-100 grams of protien that is recommended a day to even function as a person, to feel GOOD I need even more. So I've been doing a lot of sneaking. I eat a handful or two of almonds a couple times a day, I put protien rich slim-fast type powders in my milk, I sneak a boiled egg or even two on my salads where I dont really notice them...
Josh has also bought me a few protien bars to try out that he's heard come highly reccomended. I dont like the ones that he eats but they are like the highest protien count that you can buy. They dont taste necessarily BAD but they also dont taste good, and one bite tends to make me over-full.
Anyways, if anyone has any ideas on how to sneak in even more protien I'm open to suggestions.
I do like chicken and fish and have been making it alot for dinner but it seems like a lot of work for lunches and snacks.
3. By my calculations I am 16 weeks today and should start feeling movement any day now. If I don't at least this week Cathy and I will probably re-think my due date since its pretty fuzzy yet.
4. I took Zeke to the public pool on Friday and we had a blast. I think we stayed just under 3 hours, long after all our friends had left. We are definately going to go back soon. I wore my one peice swimsuit because I was feeling rather ashamed of my tummy since it's not pregnant looking so much as just bloated looking. I thought people would assume I was chubby and not just pregnant. It's getting tight enough that it's really uncomfortable though and by the time we left the pool I was really regretting the decision. I hate it when I let myself get ashamed of my body that way. I mean, honestly, who's going to be sitting around the pool judging other women's bodies? And if they are, why do I care what they think of me? I know I'm healthy and beautiful and that should be enough. I honestly have learned to love my size, and my shape. Of course there are things I could change but I am healthy and strong and the way God made me. Anyways, we are going to Kim and Prestons' tomorrow to swim and I am so going to wear my two piece so I can actually breath, tummy flab or no. Even if Kim is teeny tiny ;)
5. Zeke just fell asleep in his highchair. I think its nap time.
6. Ziggy is continuing to assimilate into the family perfectly. He is perfectly litter box trained and we've even been able to move it into the upstairs bathroom where it is more out of the way. Ezekiel and him play constantly. In fact, they want to play so much that both have ended up on occasion being punished for not allowing the other to nap. First thing whenever Zeke comes home or wakes up he yells "kitty" and has to find Ziggy to hug and kiss him. I've never met such a dependant cat before, though, he HATES being left alone in a room and if he falls asleep and you leave he will cry when he wakes up until he finds you. He sleeps all night cuddled right under my neck, lol. When Blueberry is born and he's kicked down by my legs he's probably going to be dissapointed.
7. I am realizing Zeke is truly a toddler and needs to be treated more like one. Always before when we disciplined Zeke we mostly just redirected. Sometimes he would get really defiant and keep going back and back to the naughty behavior and we would have to remove the temptation completely or even spank him if it was dangerous but for the most part his interest could be easily moved. Not so much anymore. He remembers now and he KNOWS what he wants. Redirecting is no longer enough.
Josh and I's new plan, which we've started implementing the last few days or so is really working though. At first offense we get down to his level and tell him gently that he can't do that, WHY he cant do that, and offer a similar activity that is IS allowed to do. Honestly, this is really working and a lot of the time it ends right there. Josh and I both feel like explaining to him why he can't do something, rather then just telling him no and offering him something else to do, is the key. Of course many other times Zeke decides that our reasons are insufficient and he will go ahead and continue whatever he was doing, at that point we physically remove him from the area he is being naughty in and tell him much more firmly that no means no and he will not do that. Sometimes he cries for a while and then moves on, and then other times he squares up his shoulders, gives us a nasty look, and runs as fast as he can back to what he was doing. This time he gets spanked. I hate spanking him but I also dont know what else to do and DO NOT want to encourage that kind of defiance. I feel like he is too little for time outs and that just removing him over and over again just puts me at his level, fighting as an equal.
Luckily it rarely goes that far. And often when it does there are outside factors contributing like over exhaustion, being overwhelmed by the day, teething, ect. If I think that is the case then oftentimes after the firm no step I will just stop what I am doing and have some quiet time with books or something. That way he doesn't do it a 3rd time and I am not forced to spank him when I know he is overwhelmed and unable to control himself completely, After a little break or nap he's often ready for me to go back to what I was doing and it's not really a waste of time because I would have wasted just as much if not more spanking him and dealing with the after-affects. Of course I will admit, he's not always over exhausted, sometimes he's just being stubborn and ornery. And sometimes I cant stop what I'm doing. So the spanking does happen on occasion. Probably every other day.
Josh and I are hoping it gets to be less and less though since our steps are so consistent and with both of us doing them exactly the same. I know having a game plan set of exactly what we will do not only helps Zeke make sense of what to expect but helps us to keep calm and avoid over punishing in the heat of frusteration.
Wish us luck with it.
I never was a gymanst
I've been having a trying day. 99% of my frustration is centered around Zeke's new-found obsession with sticking his finger up my nose. Which I CANNOT STAND. I don't know why its such a big deal to me but it seriously drives me NUTTERS. It also leaves me at a complete blank as to what to do about it. It's not a serious enough offense to spank over. Yet I don't want to be taken down to my one year old's level in a sadly equal fight of him lifting his hand and me pushing it back down over and over again.
So I find myself back in the balancing act that is motherhood and realizing all over again that I never was a gymnast...I could never even learn a headstand.
I want to teach Zeke respect for my limits (as well as teach myself respect for my limits, we, as mothers, can only do and handle so much) as well as teach him respect for my body. Yet I don't want to fight over everything, I don't want to curb his curiosity, and I desperately want to be an example of the patience that I daily expect from him.
It seems like a big bag of worms to have been brought up by a baby sticking his fingers up his mommies nose but it's actually a subject I fret over often. Balancing.
Discipline is so much more than a simple set of do and donts and Josh and I more and more are looking around us and realizing that the values we want to instill in our children are no longer reflected in the world around us.
In today's world how do you teach a child respect? Respect for other's and respect for himself? How do you get him to open doors for women, not because they cant but because he should? How do you teach him to listen and to learn from his elders but also to think for himself at all times? How do you teach him to honor tradition but to also know that just because something has always been that way doesn't make it right? How do you teach right?
In a country like ours how do you instill in a small boy that winning isnt everything? That method is worlds more important than outcome and meaning more important than activity? How do you teach him, in a church like today's, to balance the love that Jesus taught with the bile that you so often see and hear coming from Christians? How do you teach him love and forgiveness and yet still teach him strong and steady morals?
How do you teach true Christian morals at all? They don't even seem to exist in the church anymore.
Josh and I so often worry and not only because we arent sure how to balance these lessons with parental patience, forgiveness, love, and fun. We also worry because we know that the best way is to be examples of them ourselves, and we know too well how our own balancing acts sometimes are.
So I find myself back in the balancing act that is motherhood and realizing all over again that I never was a gymnast...I could never even learn a headstand.
I want to teach Zeke respect for my limits (as well as teach myself respect for my limits, we, as mothers, can only do and handle so much) as well as teach him respect for my body. Yet I don't want to fight over everything, I don't want to curb his curiosity, and I desperately want to be an example of the patience that I daily expect from him.
It seems like a big bag of worms to have been brought up by a baby sticking his fingers up his mommies nose but it's actually a subject I fret over often. Balancing.
Discipline is so much more than a simple set of do and donts and Josh and I more and more are looking around us and realizing that the values we want to instill in our children are no longer reflected in the world around us.
In today's world how do you teach a child respect? Respect for other's and respect for himself? How do you get him to open doors for women, not because they cant but because he should? How do you teach him to listen and to learn from his elders but also to think for himself at all times? How do you teach him to honor tradition but to also know that just because something has always been that way doesn't make it right? How do you teach right?
In a country like ours how do you instill in a small boy that winning isnt everything? That method is worlds more important than outcome and meaning more important than activity? How do you teach him, in a church like today's, to balance the love that Jesus taught with the bile that you so often see and hear coming from Christians? How do you teach him love and forgiveness and yet still teach him strong and steady morals?
How do you teach true Christian morals at all? They don't even seem to exist in the church anymore.
Josh and I so often worry and not only because we arent sure how to balance these lessons with parental patience, forgiveness, love, and fun. We also worry because we know that the best way is to be examples of them ourselves, and we know too well how our own balancing acts sometimes are.
Maybe he thinks its a wardrobe?
If you don't get the title, well then you probably had a very sad childhood.
Anyways, I have posted many such pictures as of late. My son loves opening cupboards, and pantries, and drawers, and well pretty much anything that just *might* have something of interest inside. I can no longer EVER find my measuring spoons or cups for example. Zeke just LOVES measuring spoons and cups. And he also loves to put them away. Just not where they belong. They could literally be anywhere right now. Its a little adventurous. Good thing I almost never measure anything.
And many people have said "Haven't you ever seen those little locks you can buy?" or "Haven't you ever heard of child-proofing?" And I would like to answer that yes, yes I HAVE heard of childproofing. And we DO have locked areas. There is a small drawer that holds knives and other sharp kitchen tools. It's locked. And although I do all of my house cleaning organically and home-made I do have some bleach locked away as well. Sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, earth be...darned.
But this is my thing with childproofing: I have seen so many homes that I think really over-do it these days. Attaching a child-proof like to every single door of any kind. Of course dangerous materials should be locked away where there is no way a small child can get to them. And the same goes for areas that are unsanitary to be played in (like toilets) or create a just HUGE mess (like art supply closets). But I also think a growing child needs areas that are open to be explored. And also areas that are NOT allowed to be explored but also COULD be.
I'm afraid that by not having the first type of area, an area that is open to be explored, then I would raise a child with no imagination, no sense of discovery, and also take away a great learning tool. Zeke playing in the kitchen and pulling out all of my pots and pans is annoying at times. Especially to Josh when he walks in only to kick a drying rack and stub his toe, or to me when I cant find my whisk and have to search for a half hour, only to find it in the fridge. But at the same time I know that Zeke is learning thru this play. He is learning how open drawers. He is learning where things belong (he already knows how to find his bowls), and that everything has its place. He loves to take out a frying pan and a wooden spoon and "pretend" to cook and he loves the freedom to be able to do it by himself.
And then I'm afraid by not having the second type of area, an area that he may not get into but physically can, that I will raise a child that cant ever be taken anywhere. Because we all have freinds who's homes arent child-proofed. And I can name 1,000 places I take Zeke where there are areas he may not go into. If my entire house is split into two catagories, the first being areas he may get into and can get into and the second things he may not get into and physically cant, well then how do I teach him no? By keeping a few areas that are not locked by he is not allowed to get into I get daily practice at home teaching him boundaries and obedience. That way when we are out in public and I say "dont go into that room" or "dont touch that radio on the floor" well he's used to it in a way.
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